Section Six Holiday Party (or Keg Stand Grudge Match?)

(a.k.a. "The One Where All The Culprits Get Named")

Last weekend we found ourselves at Ye Olde Party House to celebrate the true meaning of the holiday season: tests, resume drops, and lots and lots of alcohol to make it all seem better. Despite the West Coast Forum and some other out of town trips, the Sixers, including some spirited second-years, were out in force in an attempt to imbibe two types of cider, Peppermint Schnapped hot chocolate, a keg and assorted other feel-good beverages.

Marketing Professor Metzger was kind enough to grace us with his presence and join us in a cup or two of cider (unfortunately, amidst our pleas, he stuck to the non-alcoholic crock pot) and unfortunately we couldn't get any hints about PharmaSim. We also had a nice showing from several other second-years who were party hopping along Michigan Ave. as well as a few Section 4 folks who claimed they had section-envy as they watched our Sixers bond in action.

The party almost died after the professor left, but we were able to revive the festivities by pumping up the old school Michael Jackson at just the right time. Srik Gopalkrishnan could barely contain himself as he tore up the dance floor with not one, not two, not three, but four women.

While Srik was heating up, the party itself starting cooling down as everyone moved outside to watch what has now become the official sport of Section Six: Keg Stands. Last party's champion, Jonathan Ives, was the first to take to the tap. In deference to his wife, he cut his time to a mere 20-mississippi-seconds. Gustavo Caillaux also decided to listen to his extremely intelligent wife, Priscilla, for it was at her prompting that he tried a keg stand. Not to be out-wifed, Meredith Meeker pushed hubby Ben up to the keg to work his magic. While the crowd chanted "Meeker, Meeker," Ben proved he was anything but, coming in at 22 seconds. Ben would like to give a "shout out" to all those who majored in a liberal arts field in undergrad. He was heard commenting after his stand, "While everyone else was learning the stuff they'd eventually need for business school, I gained a competitive edge in sport drinking!" Not to be outdone, the very engaged Garrett Francis (12/22/01 will be his wedding day) stepped up to the keg to take his shot. He came in right around Ives' time and felt damn proud of himself. Then he belched, pounded his chest, screamed "Toga" and went inside for more bean dip. (Hey, he's only got a few weeks of freedom left and if you haven't figured out by now, we embellish a whole lot so that people actually read this article).

As in wrestling, though, the real match was between the ladies. Judith Hochhauser and Trish Cavuoto made a solemn promise to the section that they would each do a keg stand in honor of Section Six's hard work on behalf of The Food Fight. Since Trish was drunk and Judith is hyper-competitive, they decided to keep their promise, even though they were both wearing skirts. Trish came in at a tough 22 seconds and managed to stumble inside to continue drinking her cup of water in an attempt to "sober up." Judith strode to the keg in her sassy new color-coordinated boots as if she were Barry Bonds going to hit his history-making homer. With hunger in her eyes and the taste of competition on her lips, she gripped the sides of the keg as she was hoisted up. Surpassing all expectations but her own, Judith rang in at just over 30 seconds. There was a mighty roar on the back porch and then regular partying resumed. For further analysis, consulting-wiz Graham Goodrich has some ideas on the type of strategy employed by Judith. More importantly, if you're interested in seeing pictures of any of these remarkable "stands", be sure to visit the amazing web site of the Sixers, courtesy of web guru "Eyang".

We thought that the night was over, but there was one last keg stand to be had. All remaining guests looked on in amazement as Susan Han went up for her second keg stand of the evening. As it turns out, second years do know more as Susan first chugged the remainder of her beer in hand, then proved the extensive knowledge and brashness of a soon-to-be-graduated-and-hopefully-employed second year MBA, with her 32-second keg stand. Early last week, Judith called me from her training facility at a fraternity house on Washtenaw. She says she is pushing the 37-second mark and is looking forward to the rematch.

As usual, a few thank-yous are due to all those who made our partying possible. First and foremost, this past semester of partying and fun times would have not been possible without GRACE TSUEI, who is by far the best social chair I could ever hope to work with. I am humbled by her attention to detail (especially when it comes to editing my dense, chatty articles).

Thanks to: Trish Cavuoto and Lisa Morrison for helping decorate and bake, Amy Percy for providing the "championship" tap, Amy Lofstedt for FINALLY getting photographed at an event so people will believe us when we tell them she's a Sixer, and Kim Gans and Julia Liu for their contributions to the decorations. Oh lest we forget, a huge grazi goes to everyone who helped eat the 12 DOZEN cookies we put out.

Finally, to Jeremy, Craig, Jeff, Amy, Jonathan, and Trish: we may not have won the championship, but we kicked butt and we had a great time. It's all about next year. Here's to the greatest Walleyball teammates a girl could ever want!

Good luck to everyone on finals! Until the party resumes in 2002.



Reporting from the trenches,

Alli Meyer



P.S. One last thanks to our own Jerzee-boy George "knuckles" Guattare for threatening Tamika Tasby and Rashidah Lopez, thereby forcing their appearance at the holiday bash. I wonder if the mob has any internships available this summer?