Musings of A. Rosser
Class Schedules
A. Rosser
Issue date: 3/31/08 Section: Features
Michigan's reversal last week regarding the proposed ticket policy for football season represents the second time in three months that the school had to change a new policy after publicly announcing it (see 'seniors will graduate off campus at Eastern Michigan'…brilliant idea). Well, after picking classes for Fall A & B recently, I began to think - are these classes really competitive with what our peers at other business schools get? So, I took some time and perused through the class offerings at some of the schools Ross keeps losing ground to in the rankings. If the administration here really wants to get our school back to the top, then they should take a hint from some of these other schools and offer us classes that are similar (or at least competitive) with what our peers have access to. I was definitely intrigued by some of the offerings I saw and will soon circulate a petition (since that seems to get things done around here) in order to get the course offerings changed. Some examples include:
MO 666 - "Managerial Communication: How to be condescending to all people you speak to." Core Requirement (HBS)
One of the most important keys to success in management is creating clear communication between you and your subordinates - sending mixed messages will only confuse everyone on your team. Taking the time to guarantee that there is nothing left unsaid between you and your team is imperative. This course focuses on helping you to get the proper voice tone, facial sneers, and body language to ensure all your subordinates know how you really feel about them. During the final phase of the course, students will have the opportunity to practice their newly developed skills in real world internships, where students will make no friends and realize why socializing with only MBAs from HBS is a smart decision.
FIN 584 - "Creative Accounting: Making your firm appear more profitable." Elective (Wharton)
In a time of accounting scandals, back dating schemes, and financing hardships, it is important for number crunchers like you to understand the ins-and-outs of creative accounting. Shareholders are demanding greater transparency and ever larger returns on investment. No longer will the old school methods of shell companies and tax havens work in helping your firm appear more profitable on paper, allowing you to cash in with large stock options. This course focuses on the new methods for hiding debt, securing long-term, low interest personal loans from company coffers and using company assets (jets, cars, credit cards, etc.) for your personal travel and expenses. Prerequisites include FIN 405 "White Collar Money Laundering" and FIN 515 "Valuation: Mine is bigger than yours".
MKT 648 - "Manipulating your Customers: Learning from Marlboro" Elective (Kellogg)
Digital Video Recorders, On-Demand movies, and Internet-based downloads have quickly eroded the number of people who watch traditional commercials on television. What is a marketer to do? How do you compete? As Marlboro has showed us, one of the best ways to acquire customers is to manipulate them and get them chemically addicted to your products. This course will be comprised of three phases. First, we'll discuss direct means of communication such as threatening and blackmail. In the second phase, we will focus on subtle means of advertising including manipulation, hypnosis, and subliminal messaging. Finally, we will do a short segment on addictive chemicals and how to incorporate them into your products without the public's knowledge.
We all know that the administration is set on increasing the school's rankings and being 'on par' with the best business schools in the world. I think the evidence above suggests that our school's current course offerings are lacking and that they need to be seriously updated to reflect the changing times. By doing so, we'll be able to better compete against our peers in the workplace, make more money, become bigger a**holes (again, in order to compete with our MBA peers), and donate more money back to the school to invest in artwork made out of skis that I can buy at a swap meet for $5 (see entrance to the library).
MO 666 - "Managerial Communication: How to be condescending to all people you speak to." Core Requirement (HBS)
One of the most important keys to success in management is creating clear communication between you and your subordinates - sending mixed messages will only confuse everyone on your team. Taking the time to guarantee that there is nothing left unsaid between you and your team is imperative. This course focuses on helping you to get the proper voice tone, facial sneers, and body language to ensure all your subordinates know how you really feel about them. During the final phase of the course, students will have the opportunity to practice their newly developed skills in real world internships, where students will make no friends and realize why socializing with only MBAs from HBS is a smart decision.
FIN 584 - "Creative Accounting: Making your firm appear more profitable." Elective (Wharton)
In a time of accounting scandals, back dating schemes, and financing hardships, it is important for number crunchers like you to understand the ins-and-outs of creative accounting. Shareholders are demanding greater transparency and ever larger returns on investment. No longer will the old school methods of shell companies and tax havens work in helping your firm appear more profitable on paper, allowing you to cash in with large stock options. This course focuses on the new methods for hiding debt, securing long-term, low interest personal loans from company coffers and using company assets (jets, cars, credit cards, etc.) for your personal travel and expenses. Prerequisites include FIN 405 "White Collar Money Laundering" and FIN 515 "Valuation: Mine is bigger than yours".
MKT 648 - "Manipulating your Customers: Learning from Marlboro" Elective (Kellogg)
Digital Video Recorders, On-Demand movies, and Internet-based downloads have quickly eroded the number of people who watch traditional commercials on television. What is a marketer to do? How do you compete? As Marlboro has showed us, one of the best ways to acquire customers is to manipulate them and get them chemically addicted to your products. This course will be comprised of three phases. First, we'll discuss direct means of communication such as threatening and blackmail. In the second phase, we will focus on subtle means of advertising including manipulation, hypnosis, and subliminal messaging. Finally, we will do a short segment on addictive chemicals and how to incorporate them into your products without the public's knowledge.
We all know that the administration is set on increasing the school's rankings and being 'on par' with the best business schools in the world. I think the evidence above suggests that our school's current course offerings are lacking and that they need to be seriously updated to reflect the changing times. By doing so, we'll be able to better compete against our peers in the workplace, make more money, become bigger a**holes (again, in order to compete with our MBA peers), and donate more money back to the school to invest in artwork made out of skis that I can buy at a swap meet for $5 (see entrance to the library).
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fred
posted 4/01/08 @ 12:46 AM EST
Transfer to my school. It's ranked higher than michigan.
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