My Section Rules v. Rocks
Alden McLellan
Issue date: 3/24/08 Section: Humor
POINT - My Section Rules
By Member of a Section
MY section rules all other sections. First off, we get the highest grades by far. Our finance professor even told us that it was mathematically impossible for him to follow the curve because we aced the final so consistently - did any of your professors tell you THAT?!
Sure we work hard, but we play even harder. Whether it's Quarters, Beer Pong, or straight up binge drinking, my section will humiliate you to the point where you'll feel like you're playing in the early rounds of the Final Four for Duke.
It seems I am constantly hearing from other sections, "Your section is awesome!" and "The people in your section rule!" and "Can't you let us win one event?" The answer is "no" - with great power comes great responsibility. Would you ask God if you could control the universe for just one minute? I didn't think so.
COUNTERPOINT - My Section Rocks
By Member of Another Section
WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. MY section is the one that "rules." And not only that, but we rock too - you could say that we are like Dick Cheney playing Guitar Hero because of the way we fuse ruling with rocking.
I hear sections like yours out there shouting in that high-pitched poser-squeal, "We won a free party at Charlie's" or "We won a Whirly Ball event," or "We have the most people with shirts that have nicknames on the back." But everyone knows that your free party didn't even include well drinks, and that your section gets batted around so much in Whirly Ball that you have handle marks permanently tattooed onto your ribs.
And what about those nickname'd shirts? Your section's nickname should be 'lost' and not like the hit, J.J. Abram's TV show. No, 'lost' like "Who are you? I know everyone around here, but you seem unfamiliar to me. Are you a prospective student?" My section is the opposite of "lost." We are "found" - found to be #1 in Professor Karnani's new Fall semester course: STRATEGY 742, Special Topics in How to Rock.
What do we regret most?
- 33% Not taking the communication waiver exam
- 25% Marrying a Ross student for the football tickets
- 20% That Pancheros we had for lunch
- 17% Putting my Uggs in storage on the first day of Spring
- 4% Ranking #1 the MAP in Tibet
- 1% Promising October 2008
By Member of a Section
MY section rules all other sections. First off, we get the highest grades by far. Our finance professor even told us that it was mathematically impossible for him to follow the curve because we aced the final so consistently - did any of your professors tell you THAT?!
Sure we work hard, but we play even harder. Whether it's Quarters, Beer Pong, or straight up binge drinking, my section will humiliate you to the point where you'll feel like you're playing in the early rounds of the Final Four for Duke.
It seems I am constantly hearing from other sections, "Your section is awesome!" and "The people in your section rule!" and "Can't you let us win one event?" The answer is "no" - with great power comes great responsibility. Would you ask God if you could control the universe for just one minute? I didn't think so.
COUNTERPOINT - My Section Rocks
By Member of Another Section
WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. MY section is the one that "rules." And not only that, but we rock too - you could say that we are like Dick Cheney playing Guitar Hero because of the way we fuse ruling with rocking.
I hear sections like yours out there shouting in that high-pitched poser-squeal, "We won a free party at Charlie's" or "We won a Whirly Ball event," or "We have the most people with shirts that have nicknames on the back." But everyone knows that your free party didn't even include well drinks, and that your section gets batted around so much in Whirly Ball that you have handle marks permanently tattooed onto your ribs.
And what about those nickname'd shirts? Your section's nickname should be 'lost' and not like the hit, J.J. Abram's TV show. No, 'lost' like "Who are you? I know everyone around here, but you seem unfamiliar to me. Are you a prospective student?" My section is the opposite of "lost." We are "found" - found to be #1 in Professor Karnani's new Fall semester course: STRATEGY 742, Special Topics in How to Rock.
What do we regret most?
- 33% Not taking the communication waiver exam
- 25% Marrying a Ross student for the football tickets
- 20% That Pancheros we had for lunch
- 17% Putting my Uggs in storage on the first day of Spring
- 4% Ranking #1 the MAP in Tibet
- 1% Promising October 2008
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