MBA Prom Fares Poorly Compared to High School Dances
Ryan Barton
Issue date: 2/4/08 Section: Features
Like many of you poor bastards, I went to MBA Prom with the intent to have fun and maybe recoup my $55 ticket in the form of alcohol. Need less to say I was sadly mistaken, trick f***ed by airport security long lines and woman who believe heavy make up means they needn't wait four hours to get a drink.
Now since I only have one previous Prom to compare it too, my experience is a little limited, but I've tried to assess and quantify exactly what happened Saturday night and the ROI on my $55.
Pre-Party
Old Prom: Great, totally trashed having
drunk two 40oz and sipping off a pint of whisky with my old friends in the hours proceeding with no cares in the world since I had been skipping class throughout the week.
MBA Prom: Sucked, completely sober having worked on class assignments throughout Saturday afternoon to catch up since I'd spent the week kissing a** and being telephonically bitch slapped by a string of Fortune 500 companies.
Outfit
Old Prom: Baggy mall rental tuxedo, polyester blend with yellow crusty residue under the lapels that was the remains of the previous SOB's bachelor party.
MBA Prom: Svelte custom, hand made herringbone merino super 150's wool tuxedo.
Transportation
Old Prom: Stretch black limousine, apportioned cost about $20, which jammed "My Posse's on Broadway" by Sir Mix-A-Lot while actually driving down Broadway. We basically pimped the city.
MBA Prom: Stretched blue short bus, responsible for 50% of my ticket fee, which had no music except the b****ing bus driver, in which I felt exactly like the homeless man who had urinated on my seat the week previously.
Venue
Old Prom: My good ole high school cafeteria which always smelled like pizza in which we all had so many fond memories. MBA Prom: Who the f*** knows, we drove for around 45 minutes over the river, through the forest, past Grandmothers house to the middle of no where to arrive at a hotel/golf course that was completely empty because the rest of the world, not being held hostage by the MBA Prom bus, realized how much it sucked.
Entertainment
Old Prom: Crappy 1990's music.
MBA Prom: Good 1980's music.
Food and Beverages
Old Prom: All you can drink spiked punch, personal flasks, pizza.
MBA Prom: Water out of the bathroom facet and weak drinks which were impossible to get, personal flasks, pizza.
(Educational note: f*** National Cranberry, I humbly submit MBA Prom drink operations as the new textbook example of a crappy process.
Return on Investment Calculation
Old Prom: (*4)÷ $50= 8%
MBA Prom: (*2)÷ $55= 3.6%
Relative benchmarks:
8am Monday Morning Lecture= 4%
Cafeteria (during group project) = 5%
Risk Free Rick's Cost of Capital = 6%
Hill House= 7%
Vinology= 7.5%
BUS (winning game day) = 10%
Chicago Road Trip= 14.6%
I guess no surprise there, Old Prom was way better. My decision next year is clear, MBA Prom is no longer a winning investment since I can receive at least 6% risk free ROI at Rick's on a Saturday night.
Any comments can be sent to: ryan.barton@hotmail.com. If I don't get back to you, it's because I could care less.
Now since I only have one previous Prom to compare it too, my experience is a little limited, but I've tried to assess and quantify exactly what happened Saturday night and the ROI on my $55.
Pre-Party
Old Prom: Great, totally trashed having
drunk two 40oz and sipping off a pint of whisky with my old friends in the hours proceeding with no cares in the world since I had been skipping class throughout the week.
MBA Prom: Sucked, completely sober having worked on class assignments throughout Saturday afternoon to catch up since I'd spent the week kissing a** and being telephonically bitch slapped by a string of Fortune 500 companies.
Outfit
Old Prom: Baggy mall rental tuxedo, polyester blend with yellow crusty residue under the lapels that was the remains of the previous SOB's bachelor party.
MBA Prom: Svelte custom, hand made herringbone merino super 150's wool tuxedo.
Transportation
Old Prom: Stretch black limousine, apportioned cost about $20, which jammed "My Posse's on Broadway" by Sir Mix-A-Lot while actually driving down Broadway. We basically pimped the city.
MBA Prom: Stretched blue short bus, responsible for 50% of my ticket fee, which had no music except the b****ing bus driver, in which I felt exactly like the homeless man who had urinated on my seat the week previously.
Venue
Old Prom: My good ole high school cafeteria which always smelled like pizza in which we all had so many fond memories. MBA Prom: Who the f*** knows, we drove for around 45 minutes over the river, through the forest, past Grandmothers house to the middle of no where to arrive at a hotel/golf course that was completely empty because the rest of the world, not being held hostage by the MBA Prom bus, realized how much it sucked.
Entertainment
Old Prom: Crappy 1990's music.
MBA Prom: Good 1980's music.
Food and Beverages
Old Prom: All you can drink spiked punch, personal flasks, pizza.
MBA Prom: Water out of the bathroom facet and weak drinks which were impossible to get, personal flasks, pizza.
(Educational note: f*** National Cranberry, I humbly submit MBA Prom drink operations as the new textbook example of a crappy process.
Return on Investment Calculation
Old Prom: (*4)÷ $50= 8%
MBA Prom: (*2)÷ $55= 3.6%
Relative benchmarks:
8am Monday Morning Lecture= 4%
Cafeteria (during group project) = 5%
Risk Free Rick's Cost of Capital = 6%
Hill House= 7%
Vinology= 7.5%
BUS (winning game day) = 10%
Chicago Road Trip= 14.6%
I guess no surprise there, Old Prom was way better. My decision next year is clear, MBA Prom is no longer a winning investment since I can receive at least 6% risk free ROI at Rick's on a Saturday night.
Any comments can be sent to: ryan.barton@hotmail.com. If I don't get back to you, it's because I could care less.
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