Musings of A. Rosser

Now that we're four weeks into classes, I think it's fair to say that you MBA1s have gotten a pretty good feel for your sections - you're starting to pick up on your professors' tendencies, you know who seems to roll into class five minutes late everyday (despite 'Michigan time') and you've certainly picked out the gunners by now. While one could certainly argue that everyone in business school is a gunner to some degree, some people feel there is a certain subset of the population that takes it above and beyond the norm.

Admit it, though, you've probably been guilty at one point or another in being 'that guy' or 'that girl' that everyone rolled their eyes at because you just HAD to try and impress the prof. Hey, it happens. The more important thing is to more fully understand what type of gunner you actually are. Certain type, you ask? Oh yes, there is an entire gunner culture out there and it's good to know where you fall - it makes it easier to deny when people put you on the spot over a beer at Skeeps. There are three main types of gunners, regardless of gender: Traditional, Shotgun and the ever elusive Sniper.

Traditional - this girl is the one you always know about. She sits up front, always arrives to class early and is seemingly always prepared. In general, these are not things that I would hold against a person. Where this girl takes it one step too far, though, is how she always wants the professors to call on her. Any question and her hand goes up right away. She's never shy about it and the professor knows it. This is the girl who you roll your eyes at the first day of class and will continue to roll your eyes at until your last day of class. Verdict: harmless, but annoying.

Shotgun - typically, you want your gunner to be smart, someone who's prepared and at least SEEMS to know the answers. This guy? No fucking clue what's going on most of the time and just wants to hear himself speak. Like a shotgun, he'll blast five potential answers into a monologue that would put even the most ardent theater goers to sleep in an attempt to possibly say something smart. Sometimes, this is successful and the professor will comment about something he said - which only further fuels his ignorant mind-set that he knows what's going on. You're not only rolling your eyes at this guy, you're just wishing he'd shut-up or that someone would bitch slap him. Verdict: detrimental to your health.

Sniper - elusive, the sniper doesn't make her appearance known right away. Her patience is her strength, taking time to size everyone up before making her move. She'll bide her time, letting the professor cold call a few people and giving the shotgun guy a chance to puke something out before swooping in for the kill. Like a real sniper, you'll be lucky to hear her say more than one thing during a class but, when she does, it's true to the sniper's 'one shot, one kill' mantra. She's quick, efficient and right on point. You'll find yourself nodding your head in agreement and probably thinking to yourself, 'Wow, why didn't I think of that?' But after that comment, she's gone - back into her fox hole somewhere, patiently awaiting her next opportunity to strike. Verdict: fast, efficient and on-point at all times.

The three categories above pretty well sum up the gunning game, leaving only one more category to cover - YOU. Yes, you. You're sitting in class, maybe the ER lobby or cafeteria, reading this right now and thinking to yourself 'Well I don't fall into any of these categories.' Well guess what, you probably do. You're just as much a gunner as everybody else in your section. Aww, what, you think your section is a bunch of 'even keeled, we're not competitive' type people? Think again. Sure, grades don't matter and you're not ranked against your peers.but everyone is always sizing everyone up. Everyone wants to have the right answer in class because no one likes NOT having the right answer when they're put on the spot in front of their peers. Sure, we all get stumped at some point, but, unless you're a masochist, you certainly don't enjoy. You're in denial right now - I know you. Hell, you're probably cursing me for even bringing it all up. Well, the first stage of recovery is admitting the problem, then you'll be well on your way to loafing around, really not caring about your grades and just enjoying this experience for what it really is.Think you're smart and witty? Try me: anonymous.rosser@gmail.com