Married But Available -- Relationship merry-go-round

M.B.A. - Married But Available. I was shocked when I first heard this saying. Do people really go around cheating on their spouses just because they join an MBA program? I know Michigan is known for its "collaborative" environment, but isn't that going a little too far? Can you imagine the statistic on our admissions materials? "Nationally, 50% of all marriages end in divorce. But at Ross, where we strive to be #1 at everything, we are proud to report an internal divorce rate of 65% with another 30% of marriages significantly strained and in therapy." Yikes!

Thankfully, I have not heard too many rumors of our married students actually taking on this mantra. But what I have found is that there is a significant following among the non-married, "I have a boyfriend/girlfriend", long-distance relationship segment. You know who I'm talking about. The people who say, "It's not cheating if I'm in another country/time zone/area code/building." My theory is that "Married But Available" really has little to do with being married, and instead describes a state of mind.

I've found there are many types of Married But Available followers to beware of, such as:
The Complainer

This type has a common complaint, "Oh, my girlfriend is calling again." Also characterized by constant rolling of the eyes when the conversation turns to his significant other, he's definitely not hiding a relationship, but it seems like he's unhappy. Why hasn't he broken up yet? Perhaps we'll be surprised after he returns from another break. Or maybe not, if he just got laid.


Mystery Man

This type is not overly flirtatious, but never mentions any relationship status. About halfway through Fall B, right about the time you're starting to wonder if he likes girls, you find out he's got a girlfriend back home. You're good friends with this person, but have no details on the relationship, including the girlfriend's name. Is he hiding something? Or just keeping the relationship on the DL until a new possibility comes along?


007, License to Flirt

There are many degrees of this type, all very dangerous. This one may or may not mention a relationship, but it just doesn't seem to matter! You simply cannot resist his charms. Just as he draws you in close, he suddenly decides to be loyal, "Oh, I have a girlfriend," (or generally you hear it somewhere else). Hey 007, we're on to you.


With all these types out there, what's a single girl to do? My girlfriends have developed the theory of the "null hypothesis," which was created one night at the bar after a particularly good 007 broke the heart of an MBA1. The "null hypothesis" says that the base assumption for all people in the b-school is they are "in a relationship" until proven otherwise. I barely passed stats but I think there's something about p-values involved here! Do not fall victim to the econ principle of "signaling." Flirting, laughing together, and hugs that last a little longer than they should, do not indicate that the person is footloose and fancy-free (remember the difference between a quality used car and a lemon).

Now that I've explained the completely dysfunctional hazards to finding a potential date at the b-school, let me pose a question. Why is the Married But Available following so popular? Why do people come to b-school still holding onto a relationship they are obviously unhappy with? It's like they are just hanging on until something better comes along. Listen, I know it's hard to break up. After just getting out of a long relationship, I speak from personal experience. But amongst all the feelings of sadness and regret, there was an overwhelming sense of relief that told me it was the right thing to do.

There is life after a relationship, as I'm now discovering for myself. And the possibilities are endless. For example, I just found out that I have a connection at the local precinct - you know I love a man in uniform. So if you want to take a chance on something new, go for it! But don't get divorced because Ross is really trying to keep that statistic down.

Ami Horne is not a sex expert, just a nymphomaniac. She wants to hear from you. Email her your stories at amihorne@gmail.com.