Got a question? Have a problem? Ask Chest Rockwell!

This week Chest Rockwell has taken some time to answer reader letters. Please remember that Chest is not a licensed counselor and is usually intoxicated. Dear Chest,
This is my first year at Michigan and I am concerned about leaving my girlfriend behind in New York City. I really love her. What can I do to make sure we stay together through this tough time?

Bill, MBA1

Dear Bill,
Stop living in a fantasy world. It's been two weeks already, if she is halfway attractive she has most likely cheated on you three or four times by now - possibly with me. Throw away all pictures, delete her from your phone book, and try to erase her from your mind. If memories persist, I would suggest visiting a Gentleman's Club or perhaps a couple trips to Vegas.

Your friend,
Chest


Dear Chest,
I am having a hard time selecting what classes to take next semester - do you recommend making these choices by the teacher or the subject matter?
Katie, MBA2

Katie,
You seem to be approaching this with the wrong priorities. They call it a 'schedule' for a reason. The most important thing is the timing. First of all - we get Fridays off, which is the most unsung perk of this whole business school deal. I have also found that only hard core teachers expect you to show up for Monday class. So I would recommend taking a lot of classes that meet on Mondays and then not going. Best case scenario is a Monday seminar.

Good luck,
Chest

Dear Chest,
I am conflicted between embracing my entrepreneurial passion and going into nonprofit work. How can I make this decision?

Alison, MBA1

Dear Alison,
Let me guess - mom and dad are footing the bill for grad school, huh? I would say cut out the middle man and skip working so you can marry Lance Humperdink Spaulding Underhill IV and start pumping out the legacy kids.
PS - I bet I have a higher GMAT than you.

Best Wishes,
Chest


Dear Chest,
I am having a hard time making ends meet now that I am a full-time student again. Do you have any tips to stretch our dollars here in Ann Arbor? Should I consider a part-time job?

John, MBA2

Dear John,
A job, Jon? A job? We are nine months away from becoming masters of the corporate universe and you want to learn how to make a Frappuccino? Think again buddy. Here is something I started doing last year that worked wonders. Email a bunch of random people (BCC of course) and tell them that you are an Arab princess whose husband has been wrongfully imprisoned. Write that you need a U.S. bank account to dump some of his millions so your government cannot access them. Promise that if you receive the bank account number you will share some of the money with these people.

Do this, watch the account numbers roll in and your problems are solved.

Thank me later,
Chest

Chest Rockwell is an MBA2 and humor editor for the MSJ. He enjoys long walks in the rain, sad poetry, and spooning.