Dolphins Relocate to Ross

After accomplishing his childhood dream of owning the Miami Dolphins following last month's $1.2 billion splurge of a 50% share of the Miami Dolphins, Dolphins Stadium, and 110 acres of surrounding developable land; Stephen Ross' true colors have come out.

Today, Stephen M. Ross announced his new plans for the Ross School of Business. Ross has changed his mind about having a new building solely dedicated to the study of business and stated, "Yeah, having a business school named after you is cool, but it gets old after a few months. $100 million just doesn't go as far as it used to." Ross announced that the new building will not just be used by students but will also be the new home of the Miami Dolphins, which will be re-named after the team's relocation. The team's official name will be the Miami Dolphins at the Stephen M. Ross School of Business at the University of Michigan.

When asked how the business school could survive without the space provided by an additional building, Ross noted, "I figured that the MBAs would engage the BBAs in a turf war, and the loser could just retreat to Michigan State. That's the way we used to do it back in the day. As a BBA alum, my money is on those crazy little buggers. They take themselves too seriously." When asked if the Ross School's rankings will drop further Ross randomly noted, "Not if we make the playoffs. This game is about winning."

For Ross, who grew up as a Dolphins fan and remembers the first time the Dolphins stepped on the field, this move fulfills an ambition and childhood dream of that he has held onto for quite some time. Ross thought Michigan football would satisfy his fix for football but noted, "We lost to Appalachian State. I bet you the Dolphins would have won." Ross' heart has always been in South Florida, where he was raised, but he was so enamored with his time at Michigan that when team owner Wayne Huizenga drew on Ross' Real-Estate knowledge about any ideas for a new Dolphins Stadium, Ross answered, "I got you. I just spent $100 million on this nice little place up in Ann Arbor." Huizenga was open to the idea because it would give the Dolphins an edge in snow games against the Jets, Bills, and Patriots. Also, when two rich guys who have been drinking scotch all day come together for business, sense goes out the window and deals get done.

The announcement shocked many but not an anonymous construction worker and former Miami resident who leaked out a report to the press last week noting that the 69,000 empty orange seats in the Ross construction site eerily reminded him of the Dolphins Stadium. Nevertheless, if construction workers continue to strike and if additional financing options do not present themselves, nothing may be completed. In unrelated news, the Detroit Lions filed for bankruptcy and ceded their status as an NFL team.Editor's Note: The following article is a fictional story to celebrate April Fool's Day!