As The Girl Learns: Travelscape: Oh, Dearborn Heights, My Home and Not-Quite-Native Land

That's right everyone - you get a double dose of The Girl this week, as I wanted to run my DITL column, yet still participate in this week's theme of travelogues, designed to prepare Michigan's best and brightest (and the rest of us) for summer survival in all of the world's great cities. So which exotic locale do I want to share with all of you? Well, although I've been a lot of places the jewel of the crown is still that Shangri-La of southeast Michigan, Dearborn Heights.Now, I wasn't born there, so I guess I couldn't be President if Dearborn Heights were ever to secede from the nation and form its own country (hey, we seceded from Dearborn, we can do it again!). But I fully support the idea, because Dearborn Heights - especially the prestigious 48127 zip code section of town - is totally awesome and way cooler than any other city on earth.

Consider as an example, Paris. Sure, sure, the City of Lights boasts the Eiffel Tower and quaint bakeries on every street corner serving up pains au chocolats by the dozen, but Dearborn Heights has a triangle-shaped church with a green roof and a Panera - neither of which I ever saw in Paris! As an added bonus, in Dearborn Heights you won't find the mass commercialization of La Tour de France or the 1998 World Cup sullying the landscape. Instead, equally scintillating events such as the Annual Spirit Festival or the Riverside School Earth Day Extravaganza have attracted tourists for years without cheapening the appeal of the town.

If you feel that you cannot yet reject the null hypothesis, consider another example, Hyderabad. This city of several million offers all the hustle, bustle, and convenience of modern, western life. Or so you'd think, until you drove your Maruthi (remember this case from World Econ?) home, let out its ten passengers (one of whom inevitably rode in the trunk), and found that a power outage had ousted you of air-conditioning. Dearborn Heights, a city of several tens of thousands, offers that same hustle and bustle (did you hear we have a Panera?), without the population density problems faced by Hyderabad. In addition, given the city's proximity to Dearborn, you'd never be forced to drive a pocket-sized Maruthi; on the contrary, you'd be cruising the streets in a gas-guzzling sport-utility from America's favorite tire-recalling automotive OEM (remember this case from OM?). And the perfect storm of 1998 and great power caper of 2003 aside, you'd never have to worry about a warm-weather power outage pre-empting your air conditioner, for two reasons: One, the electricity infrastructure is excellent, and two, Dearborn Height's tundra-like climate creates very little need for air conditioning at all. The only point on which Hyderabad wins is its 100% Indian population demographic breakdown; sadly, the DH boasts an unimpressive 1%.

What else does Dearborn Heights have to offer? Well, from Porter's standpoint, it's a great place for new entrants to the southeast Michigan market. From P-K's standpoint, the small population assures you that you'll never be waiting in an exponentially growing queue at the bank, at the grocery store, or at Panera. And from CK's standpoint, you have an opportunity to reap that bottom-of-the-pyramid fortune by co-creating an IT call center with your newfound neighbors, friends, and business partners, those 600 or so Indians who live among you.

And there you have it. It's a city that lures like the come-hither gaze of Titian's Venus of Urbino. It's the one, the only... Dearborn Heights!

Places To Stay: My parents' house (but beware of our 11-lb attack schnauzer, Fritzie!), camping in my parents' backyard, in an RV in the parking lot of the church across the street from my parents' house. As long as you stay within the prestigious 48127 zip code area (aka, The Gold-Plated Coast), you're good to go.

Food: Sadly, Zagat hasn't yet released a guide for Dearborn Heights, but I highly recommend Panera. Also, you could go to Farmer Jack's (conveniently located at that same strip mall) and buy some delicious Kraft Easy Mac. Or, a banana! Screw Forster and his 20+ Zagat-ratings - Farmer Jack produce gets a 168,000 on that scale used to grade the core Marketing mid-terms... which one matters more to you?

Events: The Annual Spirit Festival occurs in late June/ early July, and brings in a traveling fair hosted by some of the finest carneys in the business. Also, the Caroline Kennedy library has story time every Thursday at 10am. And Panera offers a new and tasty vegetarian soup every day of the week!